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Unix ---> ap

The ap (auto pilot) command has a deceptive name. It doesn't actually place the computer on auto pilot. The ap command reads your mind and attempts to perform the commands you want to do. For example, thinking "I really wish I had a backup copy of the tanana image." will cause ap to input

    cp tanana.* tanana_bak.*
to the Unix shell. Preceding a thought with "ignore" will cause ap to ignore your next thought. Although, with enough practice, the ap command can be a significant time saver, there are a few unresolved problems with this command.

  1. I often change my mind while in the thinking process. In the previous example I may have decided later that I wanted to call the backup copy something else. No big deal here, ap just changes the filename but it isn't the most efficient use of computer resources.
  2. All of the commands are echoed to the screen so that you know exactly what is going on. This is great as long as you remember to think "ignore" before you read each command. If you forget, the command will be executed again. This will continue until you remember to include the "ignore" flag or you think, "What is going on here?" which will cause the man pages for the particular command you are repeating to be displayed.
  3. The ap command reads the strongest mind waves (known as grey waves) that it finds. If you have weak grey waves or your monitor is closer to someone else in your office, ap may listen to someone else's mind instead of yours. Also, walls do not provide insulation from grey waves, so if your monitor is near a wall, be prepared for some grey waves from minds on the other side of the wall to occasionally sneak in.
  4. As you probably know, humans (you included) don't use their brains to their highest potential. In fact, many believe that we use as little as 5% of our brain's capacity. The problem here is that ap is only able to read around 80% of your mind. Unfortunately, many people use the 5% of their mind that ap can't read. When ap is called it scans your mind for activity, if none is found it prints the following cryptic error message:

        ap: Command not found.
    This indicates that it couldn't find a command in your head. Don't worry, this doesn't mean that you aren't thinking, it just means that you use the part of your brain that ap can't access.

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Hopefully you have realized by now that this command really doesn't exist.

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© 1993-1998 Christopher C. Taylor